How to talk to a child about death

Talking to a child about death is one of the hardest conversations any adult can have. Yet honest, gentle explanations can help children feel safer and less confused at a time when emotions are already overwhelming. There is no perfect script, and you might not get every word right. What matters most is being present, truthful and comforting, and returning to the conversation as often as they need.

Children benefit from clarity. If someone has died, say “died” rather than “gone to sleep” or “passed away”, which can be confusing or frightening. Keep explanations short and concrete. For example, “Granddad’s body stopped working, so he cannot breathe, eat or feel pain anymore. That is what death means.” Pause often and let them ask questions. It is okay to say, “I don’t know” when you do not have an answer.

Check what they understand by asking, “What do you think has happened?” This helps you gently correct misunderstandings, making sure to match your explanation to their age and temperament. Younger children may revisit the same question many times, because repetition is part of processing. Try to keep your voice calm and steady. Children take their cues from how we speak as much as from what we say.

Children need to know that all feelings are welcome, including sadness, anger, worry and moments of play and laughter. You might say, “I feel very sad too, and we can be sad together.” Keeping familiar routines such as mealtimes, school drop offs and bedtime offers security when life feels uncertain.

Simple rituals can help them express love and remember:

If appropriate and the child wishes, consider involving them in farewells. This could include viewing flowers, choosing a song, or placing a picture with the coffin. Explain beforehand what they will see and who will be there. Offer choices and reassure them that it is okay to change their mind at any point.

If you are unsure how to explain death or you notice persistent changes such as sleep difficulties, regression, withdrawal or intense anxiety, specialist guidance can help. Two excellent UK resources offer age appropriate advice, example phrases and practical activities:

Child Bereavement UK: Explaining death and dying to children
https://www.childbereavementuk.org/explaining-death-and-dying-to-children

Hospice UK: How to talk to children about death and dying
https://www.hospiceuk.org/information-and-support/your-guide-to-hospice-end-of-life-care/how-talk-children-about-death-and-dying

Above all, keep the conversation open. Let them know they can come back with questions whenever they need, today or in weeks and months to come. Your steady presence, truthful words and everyday care are powerful comforts, helping a child find their footing in the hardest of times.

Don't forget to Follow funeral-notices.co.uk on social media to see when new articles are published:

Facebook
X
Instagram
LinkedIn